March 30, 2012

So how do I start this blog? What words do I use to express my emotions? Just believe you can’t. There are not enough words in the english language for me. These last few days have been so hard on every Orzo. First Mia. She is so stubborn and hard at times I wonder if she is a 72 year old Italian or a 2 year old Chinese child. I feel like she is such an old soul who has seen too much for her little eyes. Every night when we start to head up to the room she pulls me to the other direction. Then when it is time for bed she just wants to be alone in her bed. She doesn’t want me to hold her…she just lays in her bed and cries out for Mama. But she is better in the day. Right now she is showing her baby doll out the window and wrapping her up with her blanket. That makes me happy. Adoption is so raw. It is so intimate and personal. The multicultural family looks so good in adds but up close there are many hurts and long nights till the happy family comes. BUT I AM FOR ADOPTION. I know that it is so important. There is so much joy that she brings me but so much heart ache as well. I see so many children here that have come back with their parents and they are so happy and healthy. I know there is hope in the future. I actually know there is hope in today.

Then there is Aiden. Oh my brain can’t even write words on how I feel. I hurt, I am angry, I am depressed, confused, lonely, my son has diabetes. WHAT IN THE WORLD??? I mean really what is this just a bad dream I will wake up from…nope it is still here. Aiden is diabetic. The first time we heard it my best friend face timed us to tell us. She started off with some of the details and I just said say it. Say the words I don’t want to hear. And because she knew people need to hear the words..she said “Aiden has diabetes. He was in DKA and on his way to Arnold Palmer.” That was it. I don’t think I heard any other words the rest of the day. The worst things I learned in nursing school came back…don’t think like that. I can’t help it. Think about your friend Becky from college who has type 1 diabetes and who had a little boy and is adopting from China also. Think about that stupid Jonas brother…what is his name?? Oh the diet, the shots, the calloused fingers, will he need a pump, he won’t be able to join the military-is that bad?-how do I pack his lunch, he is only six, will he have to wear a medic alert bracelet, did I give this to him, how long has this been going on, my mind won’t stop. Then we face timed him. He looked so sad, so tired, so broken. My mom keeps saying he is doing great-is she lying for me? I told her to lie to me but now I want to know. Can I really handle the truth though? I can’t get home. Mia’s Visa appointment was yesterday and we had to do it to get her home. I can’t get to my son. I can’t get to my son. He doesn’t look good. Anthony breaks down and walks away. WHAT? I have never seen Anthony cry since we have been married. So I can’t cry in front of Aiden. He doesn’t sit up and talks very little. I know he doesn’t feel well and wants to go home. I CAN’T GET TO MY SON. My husband is broken with pain and my son is so sad. How do I get through this in China?

Today is another day. Nothing has changed. My son still has diabetes and my daughter still wants to go back to being an orphan-and HATES me when I brush her teeth. Anthony said we have two special needs children-Mia’s heart, Aiden’s diabetes-and one special child-Adelaide. Ha. It is kinda true though. Nothing has changed but somehow we take a deep breath and move forward with the truth we have. A new way of living. I laugh as I write this. Isn’t that life as a follower of Christ? Shouldn’t that be how we live everyday? I would love to write all the wonderful ways I have been growing in this but the truth is I am just hanging on. I am fully convinced that God always gives you more than you can handle. It is not meant for me to handle but for Him. I believe Christ will lead us through this and will get the glory. But for today I am just a mother who wants to hold her child and be at home with ALL her children. I am BROKEN that I couldn’t be there for all of them. I think it will take sometime for all of us to heal but I am holding on to something other than my own strength. Thank you all for all of your prayers. Please continue as we come home and try to settle in and deal with all of our children’s needs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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~ by Anthony Orzo on March 30, 2012.

17 Responses to “March 30, 2012”

  1. He really is doing good!!!! Not saying that to make you feel better. His color is great. He was playing with Katie and goofing around. He didn’t go to the bathroom once from the time he got home until we left!!! I love you.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear all that is happening! We will be praying for you! I was thinking about your sweet Mia and more than likely she co-slept with her foster family. You may just need to do this for quite some time. Praying for her little heart to heal!

  3. Praying, praying, praying for all of you! You’re right, God does give us way more than we can handle — and He handles it and holds us through it. Praying He holds each of you close to His heart and carries you through every day, giving peace, grace, strength, hope, encouragement and even a laugh when you need it. Hard days can feel so lonely, but you guys are not alone! We stand in prayer with you and our hearts break with all you’re going through. But we trust and hope in the Lord who brings beauty out of ashes, and joy out of suffering.

  4. I am praying for you all. I pray that God continues to give you the strength to handle all that you are going through. Please know that you have people here that love and care for you all. Even those you do not see on a regular bases. I know that it dosen’t feel like it, but you are a strong family who God has blessed. Trist me when I tell you this is just a season and you will get through it with the help of our God. I love you and will pray for you.

  5. Oh, Carin, my heart is breaking for you as a mom being away from her sick baby. What bad timing. It would be so much more different if you were here for all this and your emotions weren’t already so raw from all that has been going on. But know this…..the Lord is taking better care of him, much better than even you would be able to! Satan is fighting you hard…he hates to see work being done for the glory of God. And you bringing Mia home is definitely giving God the glory. I have been sick about it since talking to your mom. But I could hear him in the background and he sounded ok 🙂 I’ve been PRaYING for all of you even more now, every time you pop into my head. Call me if you need anything, seriously. I’m so glad you guys will be home tomorrow! Can’t wait to hear more about the whole experience!

    Kara

  6. I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better, even a little bit. You already know I’m praying for you, that we all are. My heart and my mind are with you all the time. I love you and your babies (all three of them 🙂 and I know, as you do deep down, that it will all be okay. It just will. Hang on to that. Come home safely and we will be waiting for you.
    Love, Nelly

  7. One more thing. Music always helps me. Do you know that song by Sara Groves called “It’s Going to Be Alright” ? If not, buy it on iTunes. She wrote it for a friend who was going through a hard time.

  8. There isn’t much more I can say that hasn’t already been said….just know that I think of you often and that we are praying f

    • …oops! Praying for you. Love you all and I can’t wait to hear about your reunion with the the rest of your family:)

  9. Carin and Anthony, I am praying. I know you feel like you can’t get here fast enough. I don’t know if it is any consolation, but when I dropped a few things by your house today, Aiden was playing with his light saber and pretending the little baloon-on-a-stick I got him was a gun. Then he walked me outside and asked if I thought the lime tree needed to be watered. I know I don’t know how you feel. I am sorry this is so hard. But you will be home soon and we are all here for you. I love you.

  10. Carin, my prayers are with you all. My heart breaks for you, Anthony,Aiden,and little Mia. My heart just aches as a mom to not be able to hold your baby in this time, but I know that God is holding him oh so close right now, and I know that God his holding little Mia when she is in that crib at night. I will be praying for you all. We love you!

  11. So sorry to hear this! Praying for you all!!

  12. Praying for you guys over there and Aiden and the family here!

  13. Anthony and Carin,

    I come to your blog via Bruce Redmond who was once a church planting coach for me. I will be praying for you both, for your son, and both of your daughters.

    We have a 3 year old adopted daughter as well (not international), but the process was not easy for us either. Also, I can empathize with how you feel about your son as well. One of my kids has a degenerative kidney that means a lot of extra medical care.

    Therefore, I will be praying that God gives you an extra measure of His presence right now.

    In Christ’s love,

    Mike Sechler
    Harvest Community Church, Litchfield, MN

  14. Hoping you are home, but I know Aiden is in good hands and he will be fine until you get there. We will do everything we can at school to carry on normally. You just tell us whatever we need to do and we will do it! He is our main concern and we are educating ourselves so that we can help with keeping him well and happy!

  15. Anthony & Carin,
    At this writing you are home and beginning the second chapter of your new life together. Thank you for pouring out your hearts like you have. Through all the highs and lows of this journey you’re on, have you thought about how sharing this experience is being used by our Holy, loving and merciful God to bring strength, endurance, and such amazing revelation to people that are so in need of reading your words? Your hardship and struggles are helping so many people – we have no idea, I just know in my heart God means all of this for good.
    Carin, you so beautifully get to the heart of it in the end of this post, “Isn’t that life as a follower of Christ? Shouldn’t that be how we live everyday? I am fully convinced that God always gives you more than you can handle. It is not meant for me to handle but for Him. I believe Christ will lead us through this and will get the glory.”
    Please know that the entire Orzo family is so loved by so many and abundant prayers are being presented to God.
    In no way do the following words diminish your heartache, but hopefully they offer both of you some strength, some loving respite. All is grace, and that is sufficient.
    All my love, Tom
    “8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

  16. The faith and trust that you both have in God and His plans while dealing with ALL that you are right now are a true testimony to us all!! thank you so much for sharing this and please know that my heart aches for you during these trials and my mind and heart are continually praying for you and all of your children.

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