outside the gate

Hey all, this is Carin and I guess I am back. I say that because I am not really sure who I am as a blogger but some of you have seemed to enjoy it and have asked me to continue doing it. So from now on I will blog periodically on Restoration’s Blog site currently found here. I mean let’s face it any more than that and the truth will come out about how boring I really am in life. This blog will chronicle my journey in life as a wife, mother of three children and Gospel partner at Restoration Church. It will be real and open-never any fluff. So for all those 3 people out there who are going to read this-including my mother-here we go!!!

So today’s post is going to be about none other than the amazing MIA!!! Can you believe today marks six months since we adopted her? Monday, March 19th was our Gotcha Day-the day we first met her. But on Tuesday, March 20th we finalized our adoption of Yi, Qiu Rui-Amelia Jane Orzo- AKA Mia. Six months ago we went to a civil affairs office in China and met the tiniest little girl. (For a moment I thought there is no way she is the girl in the picture..she looked like a one year old. But Anthony knew it was her. He said it looks just like her pictures.) She screamed bloody murder and hated us with a passion despite the fact that I’ve never knew a child couldn’t hold. She never smiled or talked. She was so lost. God has used that raw and open wound in my heart to teach me so much about myself and Mia.

Like how you can read every blog and book but NO ONE can prepare you for that coldness and hard heartedness from someone you love so much. But God in His love showed me a big idol I held in my heart. One that was so covered in a mask of purity you really could go your whole Christian walk and miss it. CHILDREN.  These little people you ache for because you love them so much. They are the best thing you will ever do and you love them with such an intense love it hurts. So when Mia was rejecting me-and Anthony-day after day God was showing me that I was bitter because I needed her to love me. WHAT? I am a grown women. I pour my life into these little people and get nothing from them right? Well, no that is not right. Aiden and Adelaide love for me to hold them and they cry when I leave…well not Aiden but I think Adelaide will still be crying when she is 15. They love and need me. That is why I was bitter. I wanted to be loved back. And don’t hear me wrong. It is good and right that your children love you back but you can’t find your identity in anything other than the love of Christ. I had to ask myself if he took away my children’s love for me (if they grew up to hate me), or their life, or their happiness would I still find my JOY in him? So I had to let her hatred of me go, love her, and really rest in the love of my Savior.

Today is a different story though…today she loves me. She asks for me to hold her, she cries when I leave her, she let’s me kiss all over her and she kisses me back. Mia runs to me and smiles when I come into the room. She loves school and Restoration Church, but now I know she loves us too. Her journey to full healing is not done…I am not sure if you ever really get over being abandoned by your mother. But she is healing. And I can show her that I know where her real identity lies. It’s not in her last name, her country, her looks, or her past..but it is in a Savior that never abandoned her and was with her every step of her life. He saw her in her mothers womb and knew her name, he shielded her while she lay on a freezing street in front of a trash dump crying and alone, he guided her to a whole new family and world in America. We chose Mia a long time ago because God in his grace chose Mia for us. I  hope and pray she learns to rest in the love that our family has for her and Christ.

~ by Anthony Orzo on September 20, 2012.

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