outside the gate

Yesterday was the big day for us. We woke up early and took a plane to Wuhan, China where we were going to get Mia. We had some free time till our appointment so Anthony and I braved the streets alone and went to McDonalds. I know that does not sound very brave but we had to walk quite a bit and cross some major intersections so that was all our stomachs could take that day since we were already so nervous for getting/meeting Mia. The McDonalds was very similar to the ones in the states except for the ketchup. I mean it was not Heinz. Then our time came to leave and go get Mia. (Oh, our translator for the next 5 days is a man named Grant. He is wonderful and he and his wife have been doing this for 10 years so he is very helpful and has great tips.) So we drove for about 20 mins to the Civil Affairs Office where someone from the orphanage would bring Mia to us. We were expecting to have to wait once we got there but when we opened the doors there she was with the social worker from the orphanage. (Here are my thoughts…Wait a minute I’m not ready. Oh my goodness is that her or am I going to go up and hug the wrong child? I feel sick. All of these thoughts went through my mind in a matter of seconds.) I sat down beside her and said hello. I offered her some toys and she said no. She just wanted to stay with the worker. Finally I picked her up she just screamed. I put her down and she ran away. At that point I am just wondering if I can do this. I gave her a few minutes and than held her again. I just tried to hug her and calm her down but she just kept saying “Mama, Mama” and I knew that she wasn’t referring to me. Finally, Anthony tried to hold her and she calmed down some but she never stopped asking for her Mama. He tried to give her to me and she reached back for him. So he held her the car ride back to the hotel. That ride was the longest ride of my life. She laid in his arms, so tired from her long day, and in the tiniest and saddest little voice you have ever heard kept saying “Mama, Mama” until she fell asleep. We brought her into the hotel and I knew I had two choices. I could let her bond only with Anthony, which a lot of adopted children bond with the dads first, or I could be the mom I knew I was. Being a mom means you love them even when they are breaking your heart. So I picked up the blanket I brought with me, put it around her to comfort her, and sat and rocked her till she finally fell back asleep. One huge victory that I needed. It reminded me of all the stuff I knew as a mom but was doubting. I could do this. And more than that she needed a mother right now since she just lost the only one she has ever known. God in that moment reminded me of His faithfulness to me and how he has equipt me for this job. He did not send me half way across the world to take on a job I was never meant to take on. So, after she woke up we tried to feed her in the room. We had steamed eggs and noodles. Nope she didn’t want either. So I said ok. You don’t have to eat. I did get her later on to drink 2 yogurt drinks and eat half of a banana. The funny thing was I tried to hand her back to Anthony so I could do something and she didn’t want to leave me. Yeah! She just might like me after all. But doing the best thing for her I made her go to him and she did just fine. But just like both of my other children once I was back in the room she wanted me. (Yeah, but don’t tell Ant.) The first person we introduced her to was her big brother. Aiden has been waiting so long to meet her and he is going to be the best big brother to her. They both saw each other over FaceTime but didn’t have too much to say. They just looked at each other. I am hoping that seeing each other everyday will help her once she goes home and has a familiar face. After that we had to do the wonderful brushing of the teeth. I knew she would hate it but I had to do what is best for her…I just had Nelly’s voice in my head telling me it is good for her. And if sweet Nelly can do it than so can I. And it was bad but we got through it. Then at 8pm I knew she was tired and ready for bed. I held her till she fell asleep and put her in a crib next to my bed. She opened her eyes when I put her in but never cried, I just patted her and she fell back asleep. As I type this it is 630am and she is still sleeping and never once moved or made a sound in the night. 

I will answer one of the questions people have about her foster mom. It is not allowed in China for the foster mom to come and meet the adoptive parents. In the past foster parents have contacted the adoptive parents in an inappropriate way. So we will never meet her. Norman, and Grant, say it is for the best. The only thing we can do is mail some pics and info of her to the orphanage and they have the choice to get them to the foster mother. Mia when she left also had a foster brother living with her. We also will not being going back to Yichang where she is from. It is a 4 hour bus ride and she got very car sick yesterday from the ride and threw up. I also feel it is not good to go back. It is best for her to just move her forward with her life. I have a photo album the sent me of her growing up so I do have pictures of her to show her. This agency we are here with also does trips for the families when the kids are older of China and their orphanage. So when she is 10 or 12 I would love to look into that for her if she is interested.

I never put a tip on my lost blog so here are 2.Tip # 1…You can’t have enough medicine. I thought I was crazy and told myself to stop packing so much. And of course once we got here Anthony needed some sudaphed and I didn’t have any and we can’t find any in China. So you really do need the whole medicine cabinet. Second, be prepared for the worst when meeting your child. You will want to give them what they want and just let them go back because you are hurting them…and then you have to grow up, put your big girl panties on, and be her/his mother. They are children they want to do all kinds of things that aren’t good for them..like run in the street. You have to not let their anger affect you because if you take it personally then you have lost and they have won (and we all know that kid who has won over their parent. The one that you don’t want to invite over to your house and is a brat,,,you don’t want that) So you shake it off and be the parent. The adoptive child will almost never pick you. You have chosen them. Even your own biological children that you have raised will often not chose you. DON’T TAKE THESE FIRST FEW DAYS PERSONALLY! IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! It is about her grieving and losing her old life. Let the child grieve but be their parent.

Today is the day we officially adopt her. Yeah, this day is finally here. We can’t wait for you to meet her. Please keep praying for all of us Orzos.

~ by Anthony Orzo on March 19, 2012.

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